One aspect of emotional intelligence is the ability to manage our emotions. Let’s face it. A lot of people get on our nerves and there are a lot of things that trigger us. Whether it stems from childhood trauma, work hurt, failed romantic relationships or some other painful experience, at some point we can decide to take our power back. We just have to accept that the only thing we can control is our response to people. Learning to utilize that space between a trigger and our response is golden.

Fortunately, this is a skill that can be mastered. It’s empowering to know that we can control our emotions. They don’t have to control us. Centering is finding that place where you have more degrees of freedom, more options, you’re more open. When you’re off balance it’s reflected in your life. Whereas, when you find your center, life can’t knock you off balance so easily. It might be helpful to consider that the center of the body is stillness. While the center of language is silence and center of the mind is peace and acceptance.

It takes practice but finding a way to calm your nerves is why many coaches and counselors focus on helping people find ways to center themselves. The quickest way to get a handle on our emotions is through deep breathing. Getting oxygen to our brain helps us to focus and calm down. And it only takes a few seconds. Other options may take more time and intention. For example, many people practice meditation to center their minds and others proYoga as a technique for centering the soul and finding peace.

The key is remembering that we can master our emotions and not let other people knock us off center. This is especially important when building and sustaining personal relationships. Mastering our emotions is not just about finding peace within, it’s also about keeping the peace and making peace with others. It’s about learning to give grace and forgiveness. We can learn how to let things go and not let things bother us to the point of dysfunction. As a tip, in that pause between an action and your reaction ask yourself “is this worth troubling myself?” and “will the relationship be better off, if I react or let it go?” Sometimes the trigger is more about us healing than the person who triggered us.

Ephesians 5 reminds us that when God is at the center of our relationships and his Spirit fills our hearts and minds, we are more than one and two. Our love grows and spreads exponentially. And we know that love covers a multitude of wrongs.